HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU MARRIED THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of my seminars, a woman asked me a

question. She said, "How do I know if I married

the right person?"

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next

to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your

husband?"

In all seriousness, how do you know?

Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning,

you fell in love with your spouse. You

anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and

liked their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In

fact, it was a completely spontaneous

experience. You didn't have to DO anything.

That's why it's called "falling" in love - because

it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept off my

feet." Think about the imagery of that

expression. It implies that you were just

standing there; doing nothing, and then something

came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and

spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria

of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY

relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls

become a bother (if they come at all), touch is

not always welcome (when it happens), and your

spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute,

drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every

relationship, but if you think about your

marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference

between the initial stage when you were in love

and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start

asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as

you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of

the love you once had, you may begin to desire

that experience with someone else. This is when

marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse

for their unhappiness and look outside their

marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and

sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But

sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a

friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie

outside your marriage. It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love

with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY

you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same

situation a few years later. Because (listen

carefully) THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN

MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S

LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous

experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You

can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it

day in and day out. That's why we have the

expression "the labour of love." Because it takes

time, effort, and energy. And most importantly,

it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to

make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love

is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you

can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed

with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe

(such as gravity), there are also laws for

relationships. Just as the right diet and

exercise program makes you physically stronger,

certain habits in your relationship WILL make

your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and

effect. If you know and apply the laws, the

results are predictable - you can "make" love