BEST WAY FOR A SINNER

This is based on Gita; on transformation of a man from sinner to Yogi. Hope this is useful to You.

Even if one is a worst sinner, he would be considered as the best of sages if and only if he is dependent on the Supreme Lord Krishna Himself and nothing else, for this is the way of any best sage.

Implications Similar to the above mentioned Venpa, there is an instruction in “Man’s Eternal Quest” written by Swami Yogananda which goes like this, “Give God His first place! Love Him and not His Gifts!”

We could easily understand that we are carried away by the glory of the life we live. We want betterment in our life and that too exactly in the way we believe it should be.

A mythological story goes like this a Brahmin Boy went to his school. He did some mischief and his Teacher caste a spell on him saying that he will become a Hog in his next birth. The Boy repented and advised his friends to find him and kill him as soon as he takes birth of the Hog. In due course of time the boy died and took the birth of Hog. The friends traced him by chanting Mantras and with a Rod tried to hit and kill the hog-boy. The hog-boy cried to them and said, “Don’t Kill me please! I am lovely! My mother breast feeds me with love! All my siblings warmly touch and play with me. I am just enjoying!!!”

This story shows the power of Maya! It binds us! It deviate us to hellish life! Such a situation can only be avoided if we give God the First Place and seek him without asking anything in return.

Even if one is the greatest sinner who is unable to leave his sinful and deadly deeds can be considered as a Greatest Sage, if and only if, he depends truly on the lord alone. Deeper Implications What do the words “Depending on Lord alone and nothing else” signify? It signifies not only complete surrender to the Lord but also complete love toward him such that no other thoughts dare to enter the mind. If one loves the God in such a way and has surrendered to him completely, how could he have even traces of sinful behavior? Certainly Not!!! Then why does the God says so? One cannot become a master overnight! He needs to patiently practice for many years with dedication and perseverance before he becomes a master. But a Spiritual Aspirant can be considered as a master as soon as he resolves to depend only on the God without asking any thing in return. One can achieve glory only by right resolve. To rightly resolve is to surrender in Toto to God and remain in his protection without grief. Same message is once again delivered in Chapter 18 66th Sloka more clearly.

Keep Believing In Yourself

There May Be Days When You Get Up,

In The Morning And Things Aren't The,

Way You Has Hoped They Would Be

That's When You Have Tell Yourself

That Will Get Better.

There Are Times When People Disappoint,

You And Let You Down

But Those Are The Time When You Must

Remind Yourself To Trust Your Own

Judgments And Opinions

To Keep Your Life Focused On Believing In

Yourself And All That You Are Capable Of

There Will Be Challenges To Face And

Changes To Make In Your Life

And It Is Up To You To Accept Them

Constantly Keep Yourself Headed In The Right Direction For You

It May Not Be Easy At Times

But In Those Time Of Struggle You Will Find A Stronger Sense Of Who You Are.

So When The Days Come That Are Filled

With Frustration And Unexpected Responsibilites Remember To Believe In Yourself

And All You Want Your Life To Be

Because The Challenges And Will Only Help You To Find The Goals That You Know Are Meant To Come True For You.

Tips To Be A Better Mom

It goes without saying that mothers have an important role to play in their children's lives. Here are a few tips on how you can be a better parent to your child:

Respect and value your child:

Always respect your children -- respect and listen to their views and values, their opinions. Give them your complete attention when they want to talk to you. Put whatever activity you are engaged in on hold, and if that's not possible, set a time for when you can chat, and make sure to stick to it.

Encourage your children every opportunity you get. Make them feel special and express your love for them often. Hug them, kiss them and say 'I love you' everyday, not just when they are young but also as they grow older. Let them feel your love and affection as often as you can.

Talk to your kids:

Conversing with children is the best way to influence their ability and love for learning. Children who are spoken to often as infants will understand more words when they are toddlers and pre-schoolers than others. Communication also strengthens the mother-child bond and eases out the communication barriers, even as kids grow older.

Have fun with them:

Mothers are so busy with their day-to-day routines that they forget to have fun with their children. Take out one-on-one time to enjoy with your child. Do something that both of you like -- indulge in outdoor games, art and craft, board games, go for a walk, chat, cook -- do anything at all that makes you feel good. Laugh together, tickle each other, dance, sing songs, just have FUN!

Read to your little ones:

Reading to your children is the best way to inculcate a reading habit in them, which leads to a love of learning as they grow older. Reading also creates an emotional bond between parent and the child, whether it's lap-time reading, bedtime reading or any other way of doing it that you both enjoy. Moreover, it develops their imagination, creativity, vocabulary and communication skills.

Keep your children safe:

All parents want to keep their kids safe. Remember to take the necessary precautions, whether it is making them sit in the backseat of the car while driving, or making sure that there is someone responsible with them at all times. Make sure your home is childproof, with electrical outlets out of reach, furniture edges rounded off, glass items out of the way etc.

Teach your children values:

Make sure to impart good values to your kids -- it's the best gift you'll ever give them. Values are the foundation of a child's character. Teach your children values through everyday interactions, stories and by the way you conduct yourself. While story-telling, however, make sure you don't connect the story to the child. If, for example, you want to teach your little one about honesty, tell him/ her interesting stories related to it. Do not say, "You should behave in the same manner as so-and-so did and always tell the truth" -- the message will not sink in. To a youngster, this feels like nagging and moralizing, which will go in one ear and out the other.

Be a good role model:

Remember that your kids are watching you all the time and want to ape you in every possible way. Even very young children take in and listen to everything their parents say and do, so remain aware of your actions and behavior around them. For example, if you talk rudely to the domestic help, you will not be very successful in teaching your children the value of politeness. Model the behavior that you want them to develop.

Keep your kids healthy, but allow them their personal likes and dislikes when it comes to food:

Provide nutritious meals for your children, but allow them to make their own choices about what they like or don't like. As long as you are providing them with nutritious options and not junk food, they will almost always make the right choices. With young children, try and be creative with their meals, so that it's fun for them. If, for instance, there is cooked vegetable and chapattis for dinner, fold some cooked veggies into each chapatti so that the kids can enjoy it as a roll.

Set rules and limits:

A good mother is firm and flexible. Don't leave discipline only to a child's father. Set reasonable rules and limits and discuss them with your kids beforehand. Follow through with the consequences whenever applicable. However, there are times when you have to be flexible and ease the rules; times when youngsters are tired, sleepy, hungry or not well.

Be just and fair:

Treat all your children in the same manner. However, don't try to be overly fair, as it will get in the way -- for example, if you are out shopping and spot a book that one of your kids needs for a reference project, you do not necessarily have to buy something for the other child. Similarly, bring the other child what he/ she requires when it's needed. As long as you are providing for both of them equally, they will understand and not make an issue. When you try to be overly fair, children tend to find faults with every little thing you do.

Don't interfere in your children's fights unless it's necessary:

Allow your kids to settle issues on their own. As long as there is no bullying or physical violence, do not get involved in their fights. When you try to resolve their disputes, you will be required to take sides and this will not go down well with one of them. It is better to allow children to handle their own problems as far as possible. If they are not able to do it, or you feel like the situation is getting to you, ask them to play separately till they are able to be civil to each other and find a solution. You will be doing them a favor by teaching them the values of co-operation, problem-solving and compromise in the process.

Honor their father:

One of the best things a mother can do is Honor her children's father in front of them. Even if you are separated or divorced, never speak ill about your spouse in front of your children. Talk about him with respect and teach your children to respect him too.

Get the kids to interact with extended family:

Get your children to bond with extended family -- uncles, aunts, cousins. Make an effort so that they interact with both the maternal and paternal sides. Even if you don't get along with your in-laws, teach your children to respect their grandparents. They will hold you in higher esteem for doing that.

Keep your self-respect intact:

Always expect to be treated with respect by others in the presence of your kids and by your kids themselves. Do not allow anyone to cross a line. Maintain your dignity under all circumstances; be honest and keep your integrity intact always.

Take care of yourself:

Sleep well and take out time for yourself. Keep yourself in good health. Remember, a happy, relaxed mother can give more of herself to her children and family than an overworked, tense parent.

What Is Love??????????

Love is eternal

Love is the wind, whispering its many thoughts to you in the night.

Love is the feeling I felt when I first met you

Love is flying on the tails of many dreams

Love is the moon, shining alone, as a beacon in the hours of darkness

Love is the alpha emotion

Love is the entity of all

Love is the stars, always hanging in the endless darkness of sky

Love is the ever lasting conflict within

Love is the conquest of fulfillment that we feel needs to be met

Love is the bonding of two souls, entwined in the beatings of their hearts

Love is a journey to discover the souls of others

Love is an adoration, a forever night long vigil, never ending

Love is an everlasting yearning to be connected to mind and heart

Love is spending hours drowning into the depths of your eyes

Love is the feeling I feel when I look at you . . .

5 Signs that your Girl Friend is a Psycho

5 Signs that your Girl Friend is a Psycho

It's often difficult to gauge how crazy your girlfriend is, especially in the beginning of a relationship. The truth is, all chicks are nuts but here are five ways to know if she's average crazy or if you should sleep with one eye open and hide all the sharp objects in the house.[/size]

5 Signs that your Girl Friend is a Psycho

It's often difficult to gauge how crazy your girlfriend is, especially in the beginning of a relationship. The truth is, all chicks are nuts but here are five ways to know if she's average crazy or if you should sleep with one eye open and hide all the sharp objects in the house.

1. She Has More Than 3 Cats.

Face it. You're dating the crazy cat lady. You know why all crazy cat ladies wind up living alone by the end of their lives? All of their ex-boyfriends are buried in the backyard

2. She Keeps Tabs on You.

If your girlfriend is too clingy and texts and calls you non-stop, stalks you on Facebook, and e-mails you creepy love messages, it's time to move to Montana. This is the girl that burns an effigy on your lawn if she finds out you lied to her about what you had for breakfast.

3. She Asks If You Will Ever Leave Her?

Any girl who does this before you're married, or even after, is silently calculating the jail time she will have to do after running you down with a Jetta, if you leave her for someone else.

4. She is Way Too Jealous.

If she's ready to throw down with any woman you talk to, even the girl behind the counter at Starbucks, start working on that restraining order now.

5.

She Recites Bible Quotes.

If she quotes John 3:16 when you ask her about her day, prepare for a lifetime of watching Mel Gibson films, protesting outside of free clinics, and attending Sarah Palin fundraisers.

Adjustment To Life

A man and his girlfriend were married. It was a large celebration. All of their friends and family came to see the lovely ceremony and to partake of the festivities and celebrations. A wonderful time was had by all.

The bride was gorgeous in her white wedding gown and the groom was very dashing in his black tuxedo. Everyone could tell that the love they had for each other was true.

A few months later, the wife comes to the husband with a proposal: "I read in a magazine, a while ago, about how we can strengthen our marriage." she offered."Each of us will write a list of the things that we find a bit annoying with the other person. Then, we can talk about how we can fix them together and make our lives happier together."

The husband agreed, so each of them went to a separate room in the house and thought of the things that annoyed them about the other. They thought about this question for the rest of the day and wrote down what they came up with.

The next morning, at the breakfast table, they decided that they would go over their lists.

"I'll start," offered the wife. She took out her list. It had many items on it enough to fill 3 pages, in fact. As she started reading the list of the little annoyances,she noticed that tears were starting to appear in her husbands eyes."What's wrong?" she asked. "Nothing" the husband replied, "keep reading your lists."

The wife continued to read until she had read all three pages to her husband. She neatly placed her list on the table and folded her hands over top of it.

"Now, you read your list and then we'll talk about the things on both of our lists." She said happily.

Quietly the husband stated, "I don't have anything on my list. I think that you are perfect the way that you are. I don't want you to change anything for me. You are lovely and wonderful and I wouldn't want to try and change anything about you."

The wife, touched by his honesty and the depth of his love for her and his acceptance of her, turned her head and wept.

In life, there are enough times when we are disappointed, depressed and annoyed. We don't really have to go looking for them.We have a wonderful world that is full of beauty, light and promise.

Why waste time in this world looking for the bad, disappointing or annoying when we can look around us, and see the wondrous things before us?

I believe that WE ARE HAPPIEST WHEN we see and praise the good and try our best to forget the bad. Nobody's perfect but we can find perfectness in them to change the way we see them.

20 Great Ways to Find More Free TIME..

'The real problem of leisure time is how to keep others from using yours.''

- Arthur Lacey

Are there a hundred different things you wish you could do with your life someday '” anything from exercising to meditation or yoga to writing that novel you always wished you could write to reading more to relaxing and watching the sunrise? But perhaps you never have the time, like most people.

The truth is, we all have the same amount of time, and it'™s finite and in great demand. But some of us have made the time for doing the things we love doing, and others have allowed the constant demands and pressures and responsibilities of life to dictate their days.

It'™s time to move from the second group back into the first. Reclaim your time. Create the life you want and make the most of the free time you lay claim to. It'™s not hard, though it does take a little bit of effort and diligence.

Not all of these will be applicable to your life '” choose the ones you can apply and give them a try:

1. Take a time out. Freeing up your time starts with taking a step back to take a good look at your life. You need to block off at least an hour. Several hours or half a day is better. A whole day would be awesome. A weekend would be even more ideal, though not necessary practical for many folks. With this block of time, take a look at your life with some perspective. Is it what you'™ve always wanted? How would you get to where you'™ve always wanted to be? What do you enjoy doing, but don'™t have enough time to do? What things actually fill up your day? Are there things you could drop or minimize to make more time? We'™ll look at some of these things in the following items, but it starts with taking a time out to think and plan.

2. Find your essentials. What is it that you love to do? Make a short list of 4-5 things. These are the things you want to make room for.

3. Find your time-wasters. What do you spend a lot of your time on that isn'™t on your essential list? Take a close look at these things and really think about whether they'™re necessary, or if there are ways to reduce, minimize or eliminate these things. Sometimes you do things because you assume they'™re necessary, but if you give it some thought you can find ways to drop them from your life. Figure out what you do simply to waste time '” maybe surfing certain sites, watching TV, talking a lot at the water cooler, etc. You'™re going to want to minimize these time-wasters to make room for the more important stuff, the stuff that makes you happy and that you love to do.

4. Schedule the time. As you sit down and think about your life and what you want to do, versus what you actually do, you will be looking at ways to free up time. It'™s crucial that you take a blank weekly schedule (you can just write it out on a piece of paper, or use your calendar) and assign blocks for the things you love '” the stuff on your essentials list. If you want to exercise, for example, when will you do it? Put the blocks of time on your schedule, and make these blocks the most important appointments of your week. Schedule the rest of your life around these blocks.

5. Consolidate. There are many things you do, scattered throughout your day or your week, that you might be able to consolidate in order to save time. A good example is errands '” instead of running one or two a day, do them all in one day to save time and gas. Another example is email, or any kind of communication '” batch process your email instead of checking and reading and responding throughout the day. Same thing with meetings, paperwork, anything that you do regularly.

6. Cut out meetings. This isn'™t possible for everyone, but in my experience meetings take up a lot of time to get across a little information, or to make easy decisions that could be made via email or phone. As much as you can, minimize the number of meetings you hold and attend. In some cases this might mean talking to your boss and telling her that you have other priorities, and asking to be excused. In other cases this might mean asking the people holding the meeting if you can get the info in other ways. If so, you'™ve saved yourself an hour or so per meeting (sometimes more).

7. De clutter your schedule. If you have a heavily packed schedule, full of meetings and errands and tasks and projects and appointments, you'™re going to want to weed it out so that it'™s not so jam-packed. Find the stuff that'™s not so essential and cancel them. Postpone other stuff. Leave big blank spaces in your schedule.

8. Re-think your routine. Often we get stuck in a routine that'™s anything but what we really want our days to be like. Is there a better way of doing things? You'™re the creator of your life '” make a new routine that'™s more pleasant, more optimal, more filled with things you love.

9. Cut back on email. I mentioned email in an earlier point above, regarding consolidating, but it'™s such a major part of most people'™s lives that it deserves special attention. How often do you check email? How much time do you spend composing emails? If you spend a major part of your work day on email, as many people do (and as I once did), you can free up a lot of time by reducing the time you spend in email. Now, this won'™t work for everyone, but it can work for many people: choose 2-3 key times during the day to process your inbox to empty, and keep your responses to 5 sentences.

10. Learn to say "NO". If you say 'yes''to every request, you will never have any free time. Get super protective about your time, and say 'no''to everything but the essential requests.

11. Keep your list to 3. When you make out your daily to-do list, just list the three Most Important Tasks you want to accomplish today. Don'™t make a laundry list of tasks, or you'™ll fill up all your free time. By keeping your task list small, but populated only by important tasks, you ensure that you are getting the important stuff done but not overloading yourself.

12. Do your Biggest Rock first. Of the three Most Important Tasks you choose for the day, pick the biggest one, or the one you'™re dreading most, and do that first. Otherwise you'™ll put that off as much as possible and fill your day with less important things. Don'™t allow yourself to check email until that Big Rock is taken care of. It starts your day with a sense of major accomplishment, and leaves you with a lot of free time the rest of the day, because the most important thing is already done.

13. Delegate. If you have subordinates or coworkers who can do a task or project, try to delegate it. Don'™t feel like you need to do everything yourself. If necessary, spend a little time training the person to whom you'™re delegating the task, but that little time spent training will pay off in a lot of time saved later. Delegating allows you to focus on the core tasks and projects you should be focusing on.

14. Cut out distractions. What is there around your workspace that distracts you from the task at hand? Sometimes it'™s visual clutter, or papers lying around that call for your attention and action, or email or IM notifiers on your computer that pop up at the wrong time, or the phone, or coworkers. See if you can eliminate as many of these as possible '” the more you can focus, the more effective you'™ll be and the less time you'™ll waste. That equals time saved for the good stuff.

15. Disconnect. The biggest of distractions, for most people, is the Internet. My most productive times are when I'™m disconnected from the grid. Now, I'™m not saying you need to be disconnected all the time, but if you really want to be able to effectively complete tasks, disconnect your Internet so you can really focus. Set certain times of the day for connectivity, and only connect during those periods.

16. Outsource. If you can'™t delegate, see if you can outsource. With the Internet, we can connect with people from all over the world. I'™ve outsourced many things, from small tasks to checking email to legal work to design and editing work and more. That allows me to focus on the things I'™m best at, the things I love doing, and saves me a lot of time.

17. Make use of your mornings. I find that mornings are the absolute best times to schedule the things I really want to do. I run, read and write in the mornings '” three of the four things on my Essentials List (spending time with family is the other thing on the list). Mornings are great because your day hasn'™t been filled with a bunch of unscheduled, demanding, last-minute tasks that will push back those Essentials. For example, if you schedule something for late afternoon, by the time late afternoon rolls around, you might have a dozen other things newly added to your to-do list, and you'™ll put off that late-afternoon Essential. Instead, schedule it for the morning, and it'™ll rarely (if ever) get pushed back.

18. The Golden Right-after- work Time. Other than mornings, I find the time just after work to be an incredible time for doing Essential things. Exercise, for example, is great in the 5-o'™clock hour, as is spending time with family, or doing anything else relaxing.

19. Your evenings. The time before you go to bed is also golden, as it exists every single day, and it'™s usually completely yours to schedule. What do you want to do with this time? Read? Spend time with your kids? Work on a hobby you'™re passionate about? Take advantage of this time.

20. Lunch breaks. If the three golden times mentioned above don'™t work for you, lunch breaks are another good opportunity to schedule things. Some people like to exercise, or to take quiet times, during their lunch breaks. Others use this time to work on an important personal goal or project.

God sent you to me in the walk of life...

As I was walking, Down the road of life;

I was met by frustration-Sorrow and strife.

I ran into loneliness, And saw it’s need;

To be loved and wanted, Such a sad plead.

I talked with heartache,About love gone bad;

To see it’s pain, Left me sad.

And there was evil, So cold and mean;

It’s violent intent, Was clear to be seen.

But finally came kindness, So warm and dear;

Never asking for anything, Unconditionally clear.

And last there was love, So warm and true;

A gift from God- To me and you!

by Brian Gearheart

PROUD 2 BE INDIAN!!

HOPE & WISH U GUYS HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH BY D END OF DIS POST!

1. India is the world's largest, oldest, continuous civilization.

2. India never invaded any country in her last 10000 years of history.

3. India is the world's largest democracy.

4. Varanasi, also known as Benares, was called "the ancient city" when Lord Buddha visited it in 500 B.C.E, and is the oldest, continuously inhabited city in the world today.

5. India invented the Number System. Zero was invented by Aryabhatta.

6. The World's first university was established in Takshashila in 700BC. More than 10,500 students from all over the world studied more than 60 subjects. The University of Nalanda built in the 4th century BC was one of the greatest achievements of ancient India in the field of education.

7. Sanskrit is the mother of all the European languages. Sanskrit is the most suitable language for computer software - a report in Forbes magazine, July 1987.

8. Ayurveda is the earliest school of medicine known to humans. Charaka, the father of medicine consolidated Ayurveda 2500 years ago. Today Ayurveda is fast regaining its rightful place in our civilization.

9. Although modern images of India often show poverty and lack of development, India was the richest country on earth until the time of British invasion in the early 17th Century. Christopher Columbus was attracted by India's wealth.

10. The art of Navigation was bornin the river Sindhu 6000 years ago. The very word Navigation is derived from the Sanskrit word NAVGATIH. The word navy is also derived from Sanskrit 'Nou'.

11. Bhaskaracharya calculated the time taken by the earth to orbit the sun hundreds of years before the astronomer Smart. Time taken by earth to orbit the sun: (5th century) 365.258756484 days.

12. The value of pi was first calculated by Budhayana, and he explained the concept of what is known as the Pythagorean Theorem. He discovered this in the 6th century long before the European mathematicians.

13. Algebra, trigonometry and calculus came from India. Quadratic equations were by Sridharacharya in the 11th century. The largest numbers the Greeks and the Romans used were 106 whereas Hindus used numbers as big as 10**53(10 to the power of 53) with specific names as early as 5000 BCE during the Vedic period. Even today, the largest used number is Tera 10**12(10 to the power of 12).

14. IEEE has proved what has been a century old suspicion in the world scientific community that the pioneer of wireless communication was Prof. Jagdish Bose and not Marconi.

15. The earliest reservoir and dam for irrigation was built in Saurashtra.

16. According to Saka King Rudradaman I of 150 CE a beautiful lake called Sudarshana was constructed on the hills of Raivataka during Chandragupta Maurya's time.

17. Chess (Shataranja or AshtaPada) was invented in India.

18. Sushruta is the father of surgery. 2600 years ago he and health scientists of his time conducted complicated surgeries like cesareans, cataract, artificial limbs, fractures, urinary stones and even plastic surgery and brain surgery. Usage of anesthesia was well known in ancient India. Over 125 surgical equipment were used. Deep knowledge of anatomy, physiology, etiology, embryology, digestion, metabolism, genetics and immunity is also found in many texts.

19. When many cultures were only nomadic forest dwellers over 5000 years ago, Indians established Harappan culture in Sindhu Valley (Indus Valley Civilization).

20. The four religions born in India, Hinduism, Buddhism, Jainism, and Sikhism, are followed by 25% of the world's population.

21. The place value system, the decimal system was developed in India in 100 BC.

22. India is one of the few countries in the World, which gained independence without violence.

23. India has the second largest pool of Scientists and Engineers in the World.

24. India is the largest English speaking nation in the world.

25. India is the only country other than US and Japan, to have built a super computer indigenously

Love of a mother

An eighteen year old young man met with a fire accident. When the fire caught his clothes, he stripped them off and threw it away. However, he could not remove the tight underwear, for it stuck close to his legs. By this time fire had spread and destroyed his body to a great extent. With unbearable pain he was admitted in the hospital.

The doctors battled to save his life. Finally they told that he could be saved only if human skin suitable and befitting his could be got. His friends and relatives who were gathered there repeatedly kept looking at each other but none came forward to give their skin. At that time, with her heart thumping heavily his mother entered. She who knew the requirements of the doctor pleaded, “Sir! Please take as much as skin you want from my body. Do not be bothered about me. It is enough if my son lives.” The mother’s skin saved her son’s life.

The love of a mother is indeed special but what does God have to say?

"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! Isaiah 49:15.

Never Cry for One Who Makes You Cry!

Once, there was a guy, who was in love with a gal. She wasn't the most beautiful and

gorgeous but for him, she was everything. He used to dream about her, about spending the rest of life with her. His friends told him,

"why do you dream so much about her, when you don't even know if she loves you or not? First tell her your feelings, and get to know if she likes you or not". He felt that was the right way. The girl knew from the beginning, that this guy loves her.

One day when he proposed, she rejected him. His friends thought he would take to alcohol; drugs etc. and ruin his life.

To their surprise, he was not depressed. When they asked him how was it that he is not sad, he replied,

"why should I feel bad? I lost one who never loved me & she lost the one

who really loved and cared for her."

The Seven Deadly Sins of a Relationship

“Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand.” - Emily Kimbrough

Just as important as what you should do is what you shouldn’t do — and I’m sure many of you have stepped into these pitfalls yourselves. I know I have. I’ve learned from my mistakes, and have learned to recognize when I’m making a fatal error, and how to correct it.

If you can avoid these seven things, and focus instead on doing the four things above, you should have a strong relationship. I’m not going to guarantee anything, but I’d give you good odds.

1. Resentment. This is a poison that starts as something small (”He didn’t get a new roll of toilet paper” or “She doesn’t wash her dishes after she eats”) and builds up into something big. Resentment is dangerous because it often flies under our radar, so that we don’t even notice we have the resentment, and our partner doesn’t realize that there’s anything wrong. If you ever notice yourself having resentment, you need to address this immediately, before it gets worse. Cut it off while it’s small. There are two good ways to deal with resentment: 1) breathe, and just let it go — accept your partner for who she/he is, faults and all; none of us is perfect; or 2) talk to your partner about it if you cannot accept it, and try to come up with a solution that works for both of you (not just for you); try to talk to them in a non-confrontational way, but in a way that expresses how you feel without being accusatory.

2. Jealousy. It’s hard to control jealousy if you feel it, I know. It seems to happen by itself, out of our control, unbidden and unwanted. However, jealousy, like resentment, is relationship poison. A little jealousy is fine, but when it gets to a certain level it turns into a need to control your partner, and turns into unnecessary fights, and makes both parties unhappy. If you have problems with jealousy (like I once did), instead of trying to control them it’s important that you examine and deal with the root issue, which is usually insecurity. That insecurity might be tied to your childhood (abandonment by a parent, for example), in a past relationship where you got hurt, or in an incident or incidents in the past of your current relationship.

3. Unrealistic expectations. Often we have an idea of what our partner should be like. We might expect them to clean up after themselves, to be considerate, to always think of us first, to surprise us, to support us, to always have a smile, to work hard and not be lazy. Not necessarily these expectations, but almost always we have expectations of our partner. Having some expectations is fine — we should expect our partner to be faithful, for example. But sometimes, without realizing it ourselves, we have expectations that are too high to meet. Our partner isn’t perfect — no one is. We can’t expect them to be cheerful and loving every minute of the day — everyone has their moods. We can’t expect them to always think of us, as they will obviously think of themselves or others sometimes too. We can’t expect them to be exactly as we are, as everyone is different. High expectations lead to disappointment and frustration, especially if we do not communicate these expectations. How can we expect our partner to meet these expectations if they don’t know about them? The remedy is to lower your expectations — allow your partner to be himself/herself, and accept and love them for that. What basic expectations we do have, we must communicate clearly.

4. Not making time. This is a problem with couples who have kids, but also with other couples who get caught up in work or hobbies or friends and family or other passions. Couples who don’t spend time alone together will drift apart. And while spending time together when you’re with the kids or other friends and family is a good thing, it’s important that you have time alone together. Can’t find time with all the things you have going on — work and kids and all the other stuff? Make time. Seriously — make the time. It can be done. I do it — I just make sure that this time with my wife is a priority, and I’ll drop just about anything else to make the time. Get a babysitter, drop a couple commitments, put off work for a day, and go on a date. It doesn’t have to be an expensive date — some time in nature, or exercising together, or watching a DVD and having a home-cooked dinner, are all good options. And when you’re together, make an effort to connect, not just be together.

5. Lack of communication. This sin affects all the others on this list — it’s been said many times before, but it’s true: good communication is the cornerstone of a good relationship. If you have resentment, you must talk it out rather than let the resentment grow. If you are jealous, you must communicate in an open and honest manner to address your insecurities. If you have expectations of your partner, you must communicate them. If there are any problems whatsoever, you must communicate them and work them out. Communication doesn’t just mean talking or arguing — good communication is honest without being attacking or blaming. Communicate your feelings — being hurt, frustrated, sorry, scared, sad, happy — rather than criticizing. Communicate a desire to work out a solution that works for you both, a compromise, rather than a need for the other person to change. And communicate more than just problems — communicate the good things too (see below for more).

6. Not showing gratitude. Sometimes there are no real problems in a relationship, such as resentment or jealousy or unrealistic expectations — but there is also no expression of the good things about your partner either. This lack of gratitude and appreciation is just as bad as the problems, because without it your partner will feel like he or she is being taken for granted. Every person wants to be appreciated for all they do. And while you might have some problems with what your partner does (see above), you should also realize that your partner does good things too. Does she wash your dishes or cook you something you like? Does he clean up after you or support you in your job? Take the time to say thank you, and give a hug and kiss. This little expression can go a long way.

7. Lack of affection. Similarly, everything else can be going right, including the expression of gratitude, but if there is no affection among partners then there is serious trouble. In effect, the relationship is drifting towards a platonic status. That might be better than many relationships that have serious problems, but it’s not a good thing. Affection is important –everyone needs some of it, especially from someone we love. Take the time, every single day, to give affection to your partner. Greet her when she comes home from work with a tight hug. Wake him up with a passionate kiss (who cares about morning breath!). Sneak up behind her and kiss her on the neck. Make out in the movie theater like teen-agers. Caress his back and neck while watching TV. Smile at her often.

8. Bonus sin: Stubbornness. This wasn’t on my original list but I just thought about it before publishing this post, and had to add it in. Every relationship will have problems and arguments — but it’s important that you learn to work out these problems after cooling down a bit. Unfortunately, many of us are too stubborn to even talk about things. Perhaps we always want to be right. Perhaps we never want to admit that we made a mistake. Perhaps we don’t like to say we’re sorry. Perhaps we don’t like to compromise. I’ve done all of these things — but I’ve learned over the years that this is just childish. When I find myself being stubborn these days, I try to get over this childishness and suck it up and put away my ego and say I’m sorry. Talk about the problem and work it out. Don’t be afraid to be the first one to apologize. Then move past it to better things

The Beautiful Colour Of Love

What colour is God,

Asked the child with skin so fair

Is he white like me,

Does he have light hair?

Is God dark like me,

Asked the child with skin of golden hue,

Has he hair that's dark and curly,

Are his eyes black or blue?

I think God is red like me,

The Indian boy is heard to say --

He wears a crown of feathers,

And turns our nights to day

Each one of us knows that God is there

In ALL the colours above

But be sure of this, the one colour he is,

Is the beautiful colour of love

So when your soul goes to Heaven,

When your life comes to its end --

He will be waiting, and his hand to you

Will he extend.

There will be no colours in Heaven,

Everyone will be the same.

You will only be judged by your earthly deeds,

Not your colour or your name

So when your time comes,

And you see God in his Heaven above,

Then you will see the only colour that counts,

The beautiful colour of LOVE.

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Really Worth Spending A Minute

Perception.somethin g to think about... really worth spending a minute

Washington, DC Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007. The man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time approximately two thousand people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After 3 minutes a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried to meet his schedule.

4 minutes later:

The violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.

6 minutes:

A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.

10 minutes:

A 3-year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children.. Every parent, without exception, forced their children to move on quickly.

45 minutes:

The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.

1 hour:

He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.

This is a true story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities. The questions raised: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made..... How many other things are we missing?